You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
