Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
