There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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