so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
