oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
