Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
