Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Found your dick twin last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
