i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
