Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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