how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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