we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
