Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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