You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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