I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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