I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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