bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
