Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize