need another drink. this is the easiest way
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
