Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
