Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize