Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
