Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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