You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
