and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
