you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
