"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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