I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
