Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
