are you still at the devil's house?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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