Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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