tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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