And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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