9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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