There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
