he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
either way he was missing a nipple.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
