please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
