Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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