I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
