Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
