I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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