Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
