i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Vodka?
Forever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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