It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
