Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
