Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
