Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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