never play flip cup with pint glasses
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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