We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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