my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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