It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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