So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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