thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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