Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
