Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
