Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
