I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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