I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
