Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
