I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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