You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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