I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
