I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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