Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
