I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
