This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
