I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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