its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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