Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just invented taco cereal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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