Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
