Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
