New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
50% drunk capacity currently
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
