Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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